Hard to do, not Hard done by!

As a woman approaching her half century, I will have experienced a fuller journey in life by way of experiences (good and bad) than a lot of other fellow students at the Inn, simply by virtue of the fact I have been on the planet for a longer period. For some of you, however, the amount of time lived is immaterial, and you will have lived a life that has been moment to moment, and from one adversity to the next.  

This is where I want to bring encouragement, by way of how ‘we’ choose to live our lives.

We can choose to live in a way where we can recognise it has been ‘hard to do’ or we can live in a way in which we feel ‘hard done by’. The former has an enduring tenacious spirit, propelling the individual to learn and develop through the challenges of life; the latter has one which always seems to be a victim in situations. If someone else gets the job, it was not because the person awarded it was the more deserving candidate, they were simply ‘robbed’ of a job that should have been theirs.  

As a woman of a certain generation, I clearly remember a time when ‘girls did not play football’, certainly not professionally or on teams, and little girls were expected to be girls, whilst leaving boys to have all the action. Translate that to the professional realm and men were considered to be practical and therefore natural leaders, whilst women were simply ‘too emotional’. 

I experienced sexism and sexual harassment in certain sectors, whilst the men were celebrated. 

In addition to sexism, homophobia was also witnessed. However, the bravery of those prepared to stand up and say ‘this is who I am’ back then, of course means that today in the LGBTQ+ community, there is much wider inclusion.

I cannot relate to the struggles that people of different ethnicities have faced, or the ignorance, hatred, and violence that some of them have suffered. As a woman married to a man of mixed ethnicity however, I am given a window into that world, and his experiences.

Today, the attitudes of the era we were both raised in are thankfully not accepted, and though society is still tainted by bigoted and prejudicial views, most people (especially the younger generations) are educated and better informed. There is recognition that skin colour is not a barrier but instead, an enrichment to life.

The people who inspire me are those who have demonstrated the ‘hard to do’ and not ‘hard done by’ mindset. They have been relentless in their drive to grow and when they have faced intolerable attitudes, they have also been gracious, knowing, that they cannot be pigeonholed and side-lined unless they allow it. Whenever I have attended seminars, the people who have inspired me to learn more have been strong, bold, and courageous, recognising there is still work to be done. They have led by example, shown wisdom and drawn people to them like a warming glow. 

Whilst there has been much progression, the remanence of old viewpoints and behaviours cannot be allowed to turn from embers in a fire back into flames, and that is why it is such a privilege to be a student again, being alongside young minds who not only encourage me but give me hope for the future.  

In my life, I have had both mindsets: the ‘hard to do’ mindset is the one I embody today; the ‘hard done by’ used to paralyse me in my earlier life. Change is possible and growth is inevitable. It is whether we choose to grow in warmth, humility, and love, embracing the challenges that move us forward, or whether we grow so cold and disconnected that we miss the opportunities that present and allow life to simply pass us by.  

I encourage you to embrace the ‘hard to do’ and not the ‘hard done by’. I promise you, that just as an eagle breaking free from its shell finds it hard to do initially, the view from the sky as it soars above the world is breath taking. Choose to be that eagle, and not a pigeon, fed on the crumbs of others!

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